March 8, 2016 as I sat at American Family Children’s Hospital surrounded by family and friends, we eventually had to say goodbye to Zaire. As I road on the bed with Zaire to the wings of the surgery center for his organ donation surgery. I cried and I begged him to wake up in that moment. As we neared the door I laid there, I kissed him, told him I loved him, and then I looked up at the surgeon and told him to take care of my boy. As I walked away, I felt weak yet courageous that Zaire would be saving someone else’s life…2 times. I didn’t understand the purpose and message of even his name.
As I returned to work trying to fit into “normalcy” everything seemed foreign. As though I was looking at life in a different lens. I was demoted from a position to a lower position due to the birth and untimely training happening then Zaire’s death. As my managers communicated amongst themselves; concerned for me and if I was okay and going to make it, I then realized that life would not be the same.
Day after day I would return to work to talk with people who’d loss their loved ones and that being the reason they needed an arrangement on their bill. I often wondered why I would get these calls and how I was tired of getting these calls and crying on the phone. I decided that I would then apply and get a different position with a different company. Within a month same type of call; except this time, it was a mom whose son had died as well. As I sat and listened to her talk to me and tell me about her son my heart smiled. It smiled because she trusted me with memories of her beautiful child.
As time went on, I would get calls from different people asking me if I knew so and so and I’d always say no. Until I got a call about a 2-month-old who’d passed from similar circumstances to Zaire. I reached out to the mother and we talked and kept in contact. Months later I’d get another call from my sister in love that her grandbaby had left the Earth, then months later there was another baby one week before Zaire’s 1st birthday. After that I was contacted by two Angel sisters via Facebook about their kids and how sorry they were and we eventually changed numbers and we too kept in contact.
As we each attempted to maneuver our loss and grief, share stories about kids and laugh at the few memories that we shared. Somewhere deep down we all realized that was a bit of therapy. As I continued on weekly, sometimes daily I would get notification of someone losing their loved one and often times not knowing the next steps to take; more specifically those more recent to the area.
As I came to an understanding with my life and the alternate direction that my life had taken post Zaire and going through a severe bout of grief and depression, I realized that we as a black culture don’t deal with grief. We have no time to deal with grief. We must get back to work, take of those other kids because life goes on. This is no way to live nor is this life. I was forced to take my time to understand my life’s purpose as a Certified Grief Support Specialist
Grief Resource Baskets
*Do you know of a family in Madison or surrounding areas that have experiences a loss. Healing Our Hearts provides a grief resource basket one per family with resource items as well as natural oils, body butters, soy candles and a multitude of other items.
If you know a family who has experienced a loss please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org or by phone at 608-205-8260.
Studies have shown a significant number of employees feel unsupported when they return to work. Healing Our Hearts offers a comprehensive training program to help managers and hr staff support employees upon their return to work.
For pricing and more please send an email to email@example.com